I remember the days when I used to fear white people. Believe it or not, it is true.
I remember when I would silently want to have hair that flowed, just like theirs, I didn’t mind the colour of my skin so much because I wasn’t the darkest out of all my siblings. Yet there were times I felt proud to be a black girl, my skin was soft and smooth with no blemishes, I enjoyed the different hair styles that my hair afforded me. There was indeed a conflict within my psyche.
I remember the times when travelling on the streets of East London as a kid I got called nig nog, coon and gollywog.
I remember the time when an elder of my congregation told me I couldn’t have reggae playing at my wedding because “it was not music befitting of a Christian”. I was so happy that the black elder fought my corner and told him where to go.
I remember the days when I worked as a secretary and even though I had a young baby my bosses at the time expected and even demanded I did overtime to get work done. When I refused they told me I had a chip on my shoulder. A chip on my shoulder hey? The amount of times I have heard that statement is beyond me.
I remember the times when white men would stare at me in such a way that made me feel so uncomfortable it triggered some sort of fear in me.
I remember the time when my children would come home and tell me incidents at school such as a teacher telling my daughter off about combing her hair and stating, “It’s not as if the comb can get through it”.
I remember the times when my son got stopped and searched for no good reason… I feared for my son being out more than I feared for my daughter being out.
I remember the time….
I remember the time….
I remember the time….
I could go on with the amount of times white supremacy has caused so many internal wounds upon me, my family, my community, my people, my ancestors.
I want to be able to write about this topic in some years to come and say: I remember the time when the white supremacist system died its death and everyone stood up against it. I wonder if 2020 is that time.
There has been so much going on in 2020, it’s as if the world has done a 180 degree turn, scientifically it has and we are now going through a planetary cleanse, I have written and spoken about this for many years and now the time is finally here. A time when there is a mass cleansing and mass awakening. We are certainly upgrading. However, there are a lot of distractions that we need to be very mindful of. I implore people to stay focused on your ascension. Stay focused on upgrading and doing the inner work. Do not get caught up in mass hysteria and chant negative words. Chanting is a powerful ritual, so switch the words around to something positive.
When you are triggered it means you need to be healed in some way. What has triggered you to the point of untold pain? Heal it beloved, heal it. Many of us need healing of traumas that are still present in the DNA, if you do not heal it, you will be triggered. There are no judgements here, just know that love is the key to everything. Do you love yourself enough to do the healing? Where is your energy focused? Hate? Revenge? Retaliation? These are not the solutions. The solutions, the answers are all within you. Remembering that you are a divine being from love tells you that you deserve the best. So, my fellow beings what will you do, will you sit back and complain and point the finger or will you start taking responsibility for your own life, your healing and your ascension? Your power is your spiritual advancement as we are deeply in the midst of a spiritual warfare.
Black people you need ancestral healing. White people you need ancestral healing. Asian people you need ancestral healing. Oriental people you need ancestral healing…. We all need ancestral healing. We are a collective and we are all going through this global experience as a collective.
In my personal experience since having ancestral healing, I no longer fear white people. I no longer unconsciously move to the side to allow a white person right of way. I no longer get triggered when I see grave injustice towards black people; don’t get me wrong I have deep empathy but it does not trigger me at my core the way it used to. So many more things have shifted for me around this issue and it can for you too. No more fear, no more self-hatred, no more feelings of less than and for white people who benefit from white supremacy no more feelings of better than, more compassion, more action and more genuine love and over-standing.
Vibrations need to be raised and healing is the way forward. The higher we vibrate the more chance we have as humans to live in abundance among these negative forces that permeate our beautiful planet. Let us stay focused, let us take responsibility and be the change that we wish to see in this world. Not only that, when you heal you also heal the ancestral continuum going back and going forward. Surely you want this for your lineage.
I needed to read this today because I was triggered and today I tried to understand why I was allowing it to continue hurting… you hit the nail on the head Yvonne do I love myself enough to do the healing … yes I do …
Hi beloved Yvonne, I am so glad that this has resonated with you and even happier to hear you say you love yourself enough to do the healing. The goal for each and everyone of us is to love. Sending you love in abundance my lovely. Yvonne J Douglas
Hi Yvonne, good to hear from you. I remember when i started working for mercedes- benz and we were expecting a new client in the shop, my boss at the time said when the new clients get here i want you to hide because they dont like your type. When the new clients came i hide i can just remember the shame i felt then and the shame i feel now. I thoought i would just share that with you all.